i like my mom sometimes idk

every little thing that happens to me is always magnifies into such a big deal. i honestly just hate this. no matter what im not happy and i just want it all to be over.

it makes me so overwhelmingly sad when i see someone with marks all over their wrists. especially when you don’t know the person well, what can you say? idk i just instantly understand them and feel attached to them as if its my responsibility to make them feel better about themselves. and it feels even worse knowing that i cant.

but then again what guy would want to waste his time putting up with me and trying to get past all of my deep rooted issues? idk i hope i never wake up tomorrow morning. 

i’m actually aware of how hard i am on myself and i hate it so much but i can’t stop

i don’t remember what it feels like to not have a constant surfeit of sadness in the back of my mind at all times. it’s hard to imagine a world where i don’t want to die.

whenever i have nothing to do and there’s nothing important on my mind i always find myself wandering into the morbid section of my brain and i spend the rest of the night wanting to kill myself for absolutely no reason.

i don’t like me when i’m not drinking i have too many feelings

it’s like all my relationships are one sided because i’m always the only honest and real one and no one is ever genuine back.

i always question why i’m wasting my time with this annoying guy who does nothing but stress me the fuck out all day but then i go a few weeks without talking to him and i want to kill myself so i’m like oh yeah that’s why